good news/bad news

The good news is that my reconstructive surgery was a success. Everything went fine, except my surgeon encountered more scar tissue than she'd expected. After a few very tedious & boring days in the hospital I was finally released to go home. This surgery was NOTHING like my first surgery back in December. They were like night & day. Thank you, Lord!  I think I took 1 pain pill after waking up from this surgery and that was it. I could put shirts on over my head, raise my arms, bear weight, etc. I was shocked at how quick the recovery was. {I may or may not have gone rollerblading and mowed the lawn 5 days after surgery too} ...Seriously, I've felt great!! My surgeon was also pleasantly surprised with how quickly I healed. She was concerned with my chemo compromising my healing process but that wasn't an issue at all! My next, and final, reconstructive surgery will be coming up on June 12. I am SO excited to put this all behind me!

The bad news is that after contacting a local adoption agency I've been told that as a cancer patient, I cannot be "approved" until I've been in remission for 5 years. Wow. Talk about a blow to the heart. I'd researched/heard that cancer patients could encounter more difficulties adopting but I had no idea the wait was so long. Obviously if this is our only way to add to our family we will wait the time, but it is definitely heartbreaking. We have desperately yearned for another baby and I know that God hears my prayers every night and knows the desires of my heart. I'm secretly hoping that someday soon, He'll get tired of my constant request and just magically bless me with another baby. Until that day comes, I'll continue to be on my knees, praying fervently for another miracle just like my sweet daughter He's already graced us with.

And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 

Phil. 4:19

The most memorable Mother's Day

Simply being chosen as Honorary Bat Girl was beyond my wildest dreams; but all the perks that came with it surpassed those dreams! Being interviewed for the local news. Standing on the field at the Ballpark in Arlington. Meeting Josh Hamilton. Sitting 7 rows behind the dugout. Waving casually to Nolan Ryan as he walked by. Having my breast cancer battle read over the loud speaker in front of 45,000 people.

Amazing. All of it. It was definitely a beautiful day that I won't soon forget. The pre-game ceremony itself was not televised as part of the game on ESPN, but here are a few of the interviews I did for the local Dallas news stations:

• Fox Good Day Sunday Morning show
• My live announcement during the pre-game ceremony
• A very touching & well written story and video WFAA

arrived to my own personal goodie bag from MLB!

 

 being bombarded by news cameras the minute I stepped onto the field! Craziness. 

 

 

LOVE my personalized jersey

 

 the Rangers taking batting practice (#32 is the one & only Josh Hamilton!)

 

 oh you know, just chatting it up with JOSH HAMILTON!!

Josh was very kind and down to earth. He shared that his mother & aunt both battled breast cancer. We also got to meet/chat with Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, and Colby Lewis. Oh and PS -- see his pink bat? The players used those for the game, each had his own personalized bat that will be auctioned off. MLB is shipping me my very own with my name engraved on it!

Claire could've cared less about schmoozing with professional baseball players. She just wanted to sit in the dirt. A nice man gave her her own baseball to keep her happy!

my beautiful friend Ashley not only came out to show her support but she was my acting manager & agent!

 

 smiling in shock as the entire stadium hears my story

our seats were amazing!!

 

Everyone at the Texas Rangers organization was simply fabulous; they were all so kind and helpful. I can't express enough how humbling it was to represent my breast cancer sisters; those who fought before me and those who continue to fight. I'm also so thankful to my dear friends & family who attend the game to support me and my cause. And to everyone who voted for me to win - THANK YOU! But most importantly, thank you to God who chose to heal me so that I could experience this day with my beautiful family. For that, I am eternally grateful. 

survivorship: month 1

Has it really already been a whole month since I completed chemo?! Time flies when you're having fun & feeling good! Lots of fun stuff going on .. Well, fun to me at least :) Just being able to do normal things everyday is such a blessing to me! 

Here's what's been going on:

hours of waiting room boredom while at lots of doctors appointments: but everything is GOOD! 

returning to the gym 5-6 days a week. back to running on the treadmill with no pain!

date nights with the hubby :)

did a special mommy & me photo session courtesy of my sweet friend Lindsey. You can see the entire session here 

took my daughter to Disney on Ice: Toy Story 3!

lots of play-dates at the park to soak up this beautiful spring weather

planning a special lil girl's 3rd birthday party!

growing some HAIR!!! :)

Speaking of hair, I also did a little "modeling" gig for my dear friend Christy. She is launching a website for cancer patients called Rock My Cure. It is an amazing site for women to get information on how to feel & look good while fighting cancer. She needed my help in demonstrating some wig how-to's and we had a great time filming the videos.

In addition to all this excitement, I'm also getting so giddy for my big debut with the Texas Rangers on Sunday! As the honorary bat girl I get to attend batting practice and be honored in a pre-game ceremony. The Rangers are playing the Anaheim Angels and the game will be televised nationally on ESPN so be sure to tune in! I feel so humbled to be able to represent all of the courageous women battling this disease.

And finally, I'm also getting ready to have my next surgery next week. It will be another reconstructive surgery -- if you're not squeamish to medical details you can read all about the procedure here. It is supposed to be a very quick surgery, but because I have a mild case of Von Willebrands disease I get to stay in the hospital for 3 days .. yay! :( Talk about some super fun & special treatment, ugh! I'd much rather be recovering at home but I'm used to these extended-stay hospital visits by now.

Whew that was a lot! I'll be sure to update after my surgery!

thankful pt 2 {my husband}

 circa June 1998

 14 years ago when my husband and I were twitterpated teenagers, we had no cares in the world. I take that back, our only dilemma was when we could see each other again. Our biggest "struggle" was dating for 8 years long-distance before we got married. I often long to go back to those carefree days when our worries were so small compared to what they are now. What I would give to go back to that moment in time and tell those sweet teenagers!

We had such grand plans for our life together: a beautiful wedding [check], embrace our new careers [check], surrender to a chaotic life in the Air Force [check], have a baby [check]. I even remember thinking to myself just a year or so ago "Wow. We are SO BLESSED! How did I get so lucky to have this life?". And then our world came crashing down on top of us.

But even amidst the turmoil and heartache, there has been love. Constant love. True love. If it were not for the past 14 years of unconditional, steadfast love, we could not have weathered this storm. I cannot accurately put into words just how thankful I am for my husband. Little did we know that on June 24, 2006 when we vowed "...in sickness and in health" that we would be literally be put to the test so early on. But you know what? Now I'm glad we were. I'm glad that we can say we fought this fight TOGETHER and came through on the other side. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But God had His hands wrapped around us the entire time and I never once doubted that we could do this.

Not only has he been a wonderful husband, but he has had to wear so many other hats throughout this journey. I firmly believe that he has carried more responsibilities and burdens than I have. He played both Mommy & Daddy to our daughter when I was recovering and/or sick. He still had to go to work 50+ hours a week, including flying his plane. He had to play nurse to a sick wife. Oh yeah, and he is also currently in a Graduate program so he works on his Masters class in his 'free time'. I don't know how he does it all. The word I use most often to describe him is "humble", but I feel like it doesn't even come close to describing his beautiful soul that shines through daily.

Aside from the fact that I feel incredibly blessed to have an amazing man as my husband, I love the example he is setting for our daughter. How lucky is she to have a Christ-like Daddy who is setting the bar high for her future husband. He is unknowingly paving the way for a successful marriage for his precious daughter.

Thank you, sweet hubby, for being my everything. And for loving me through this storm in our life. I love you more than you'll ever know!

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

a thankful heart

Even before the day I was diagnosed, I have never ever felt alone in this journey. Only a handful of close friends knew what was privately transpiring through my many doctor appointments. They offered up laughs, hugs, distractions, and prayers. Then came the diagnosis and everything was 'public'. I never imagined then the amazingly steadfast love & support I would gain from everyone knowing about my battle. Cards, calls, meals, texts, care packages, emails, tshirts bought, prayers. Especially the friends who came to sit with me at chemo each time. It has literally been so overwhelming that I haven't been able to keep up with all of the 'thank yous' in return. I've never been one to not return a phone call or not send a thank you card, but this cancer fog has buried me from a lot of my normal ways.

I just want everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) to know how blessed I feel by their support. From my doctors & nurses, to close friends, to family, to friends of friends I don't even know. It is so humbling to hear that a perfect stranger has been praying for you. I never expected to ever know this much love in my life during such heart-wrenching trials.

Besides prayer, the most amazing gift that people have given is the love to our family, most importantly our daughter. She has been shuffled around to many different friends' houses for my countless appointments and that is the most appreciated act of selflessness we've been given. It is very difficult for me to ask for help, especially as a mother, and for my friends to step in and fill that void for me has been a tremendous weight lifted off of my shoulders. I firmly believe that it is because of our wonderful close-knit friends here that she has been able to weather this journey with such resiliency.

When this battle began, I told my husband "I don't know why I'm going through this. But I do know that God will see me through it and He will use my experience to help someone else". I have always loved to pay it forward and now I know that God was just preparing me to do that with my journey. He has perfectly molded me through troubled grace so that I may be a witness to another young woman one day. And don't think I will ever forget about the love I've received from ALL of you -- that has all been stored up to be repaid too.

 Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

 1 Thess. 5:16-18

 Thank you for crying, laughing, venting, and most of all loving me through this battle. We have ALL won because you helped me beat cancer --I could not have done this by myself!

a bittersweet day

Whew. Today I am OFFICIALLY done with chemo! Even though I had my 4th treatment on Monday, I've had to go back for IV fluids and was not done with those until today. I can't even put into words how wonderful it was to have that IV pulled out for the last time. I barely made it to my car before I dissolved into a heap of tears. I sat in my car and cried sobs of thanksgiving to God for getting me through these past few months. It was so relieving to thank Him all at once for all he's done; for protecting me, and for giving me strength. I felt like such a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

Today not only marks the end of my chemo treatments, but it is exactly 5 months since we lost our sweet baby on November 11. I find it ironic and oh-so bittersweet that I've come full circle in such a short amount of time, yet it feels like it took en epic journey to finally arrive here. It is eerie, yet comforting that it is 5 months to the day; I'd like to think of it as a celebration to that precious baby that sacrificed its life so that I could fight this battle. Your mommy fought strong & hard for you, sweet little one, and I can't wait to rejoice with you one day in Heaven.

In the midst of this emotional upheaval & turmoil, I felt such comfort in my daily Jesus Calling devotional this morning:
This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be glad in it. Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life. The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank me for them. This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees me to work my ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it.

To find Joy in this day, you must live within its boundaries. I I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past. There is abundant life in my presence today.

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14 


So where do I go from here? My battle is far from over: countless follow up appointments, blood-work, monitoring, and more surgeries. I hope & pray that the worst is behind us now and I desperately look forward to rebuilding my life and finding myself again. (Oh, and my hair growing back too!)

In the meantime I plan to savor all my time with my precious family, especially this sweet face that God has so perfectly blessed me with:

Texas Rangers bat girl

For those who have known me for a while, it's no secret I am a die-hard life-long Texas Rangers fan. Last year my hubby totally surprised me with tickets to Game 3 of the WORLD SERIES! It was simply amazing.

Major League Baseball is currently hosting a contest for an Honorary Bat Girl, who is going through breast cancer, to represent each home team on Mothers Day. I almost cried when I heard about this! My sweet Dad -- who instilled & encouraged my love for baseball as a little girl-- entered me in the contest. You can read (& please vote for!) my entry here.