If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me "So, are you going back to work now?" then I'd probably have enough money to never have to go back to work! Sure I'm done battling cancer, which was my full-time job. Sure my daughter has started preschool. But it was my plan to stay home from work for many years while I raised our children. Even though cancer came along and robbed me of that plan, I'm now fighting to regain myself once again and form a new plan. For now, the plan is to focus on myself.
It may seem like I was incredibly strong throughout the months I was battling breast cancer. The truth is I didn't feel strong at all; I was running on adrenaline and fumes. Now that the battle is over I feel like I've collapsed and need to gather myself, my thoughts, and my emotions. I'd liken it to running a marathon and being exhausted once you cross the finish line (I've never actually run a marathon! I can only imagine) It's time to compose myself again and get my life back on track.
I feel like speaking out about breast cancer and my faith journey is a huge part of what God has called me to do in this
season of life. I've done a lot of interviews & articles lately with local newspapers. I've mentored to friends who are worried about "something" they've detected themselves. I've started volunteering with our local Susan G Komen chapter. I hate that I am now the young face of breast cancer, but if I can help others through their diagnosis or educate women my age about breast awareness, then I know I've done priceless, valuable work.
I've also started going to therapy to talk about what we've been through -- so much heartache in such a short year. It truly helps to get guidance on how to process my emotions. God has also been broadcasting straight to my heart recently through a sermon series at church called "Restoration". I've learned that the Lord can and WILL restore the joy that was taken from me. "Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave behind a blessing" Joel 2:13-14
I'm relying on the faith that led me through this battle to now help me get me back on my feet, and I know it will. I recently read another survivor's blog about how survivorship is a struggle. Her words shook me to my core because they're exactly like how I've been feeling too. I've struggled with feeling like there's a void in my life and how to cope with getting my life back. I've finally realized that the truth is I'm not getting that life back. I have to create a new life plan for myself. A new me, a better me.
