my hair {or lack thereof!}

The past week has been very difficult emotionally; I've felt on edge just waiting for my hair to fall out. What a terrible thing to have to anticipate! And even though I prayed for it so hard every night, my poor hair still could not withstand the effects of Taxotere. It started coming out on Saturday and by today it was just too much to take. Surprisingly I wasn't that upset about it; it was more annoying than anything else. I guess the good news is that it means the chemo is doing its job by killing off any cancer cells. My Dr refers to chemo as "dumb drugs" -- they kill the bad but also accidentally kill the good (aka, my poor hair cells).

I started thinking about the inevitable -- shaving my head. I knew it was coming and I'd simply have to decide when. Then I started thinking about being bald, and the fact that even as a newborn baby, I was NEVER bald. I came out with a full head of hair, and have never looked back since. I've never known anything but lots of hair!

hours old as a newborn

2nd grade

6th grade

my wedding day

teacher Anne

mommy Anne

Even though it was against everything I've ever know,  a few days after my first chemo, I had my hair stylist cut my hair. She chopped off a good 6 inches or so! We did this in anticipation of my impending hair loss and I'm so glad we did.  It definitely made things a lot easier (& less messy) when it finally did start coming out.I actually kind of loved this short & sassy look! So sad that it was so short-lived.

Tonight I decided I'd had enough of the shedding and my dear friend Christy agreed to shave my head. It was time. I still can't believe that I have no hair; I don't think I look like the same person at all -- in fact I feel pretty ugly. I already miss my hair so much.

I can't believe I'm actually posting this picture for the entire world to see, but in a way it's liberating. So here I am, in all my bald glory:

yep, my dear hubby shaved his too!

I'm not a huge fan of the baldness, so this will probably be the only picture ever I take of it! I can't wait to wear my new wigs and feel/look somewhat "normal" again. I also can't wait for about a year from now, when I can embrace my beautiful, long locks again!

To quote the amazing Ashley of Lil Blue Boo: 

 "I've let go of fear and anxiety ... now I can let go of vanity"