big decision

It's been a long 10 days since I last updated -- literally and mentally.

At my first appointment with my oncologist, he walked in with GREAT news. Because my pathology report came back so clear, he was unsure if I needed chemo! He even sent my results for further diagnostic testing; a new cutting-edge technique specifically for cases like mine called Oncotype DX. Well guess what -- it gave me a score so low that indicated I probably did not need chemo. My recurrence rate was set at 10% without chemo, and with chemo it'd lower to 7%. Was it really worth putting my body through chemo just to lower it by a measly 3%?? He didn't want to over-treat me unnecessarily, but at the same time he was hung up on my young age. Even though the news was so great, I was now in a "gray area" and no one quite knew what to do.

So after discussing the pros & cons of doing and not doing chemo, my doctor decided to let us go home to discuss and pray about it. He had already sought out 2nd opinions from his colleagues and mentors, and he said he simply needed to pray about it. (LOVE him for this reason)

We did just that -- talked, thought, prayed and cried for the past week. I {ignorantly} hoped that God would just send me a magical sign either way. Turns out, He didn't. So in my mind, it reaffirmed to me that He'd be with me no matter what I decided and that I needed to go with my heart. My strongest instinct was to move forward with chemo and keep fighting. From Day 1, I said I was going to fight hard and I need to continue to do so until every battle possible has been put behind me. I want to make sure that I give this all I've got and have no regrets in the long-term. To me, not doing chemo would be a selfish act because I have many years ahead to live for my husband and daughter. I want to be there for them and not constantly wonder "what if?" I owe it to them and to the baby we lost to give this fight my all; because in my heart we'll always be a family of  4.

When we reconvened with my oncologist on Friday, he walked in and said "I think you should do chemo". Good thing we were both on the same page, it made things a lot easier. So the plan is to start chemo on Feb 6, with a treatment every 3 weeks. I'll complete 4 treatments total. 4 days out of my life? Totally do-able, no big deal! For all the medical savvy people, my chemo regimen will be Taxol and Cytoxan. I think that in the grand scheme of chemo regimens, mine is very mild. My doctor has armed me with loads of meds to combat any serious side effects - I'm ready for battle! Scared? Yes. But my God has never and will never leave my side; I know He'll continue to be with me until this battle is won.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. 

James 1:12